The Little Hoax: New Club Comes to City High

Eden Knoop, Opinion Editor

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DISCLAIMER: This article and blog, The Little Hoax, are meant to be satirical.  The quotes, reactions, and points of view expressed in this article are meant to be humorous and fictional, and any resemblance to real people is entirely coincidental.

Starting this Tuesday, a new club is coming to halls of City High, joining the dozens of clubs already meeting each week.

The goal of this club?

“Well, our goal is to really help aid seniors here at City on their way to college,” Ressa Mae Builder ‘18, the club’s founder and co-president, said, fighting back a yawn, dark bags under her eyes. “That’s why the club’s called the Board of Seniors, or the ‘BS’ for short.”

The club’s sponsor is English teacher Unda Payed, who is also the advisor for both Students Against College Rejection Letters and the Trash Club. When asked about why she was interested in helping to start a club to build students’ resumes, she expressed optimism about the future of the Board for Seniors.

“I wasn’t sure why this club was really needed at first,” Payed, a teacher at City for over thirteen years, said over a pile of ungraded papers. “But after a long chat with Ressa and her parents, I agreed to share the workload–even though I am faced with record numbers of students in my freshman English class this year.”

The board will meet each week with seniors planning to attend college, handing out both free doughnuts and free college application padding in the form of effort-free leadership positions.

“I’ve never been on a board before,” Cole Edgebound ‘18 said, as he downed four Five-Hour Energies. “I can’t wait to write about my role as executive vice treasurer of the BS for my college apps. Harvard, here I come!”

Builder shared Edgebound’s enthusiasm.

“Not only am I the club’s co-president, but I’m also the founder,” she said. “This club has already done so much for my college applications and it hasn’t even started.”

If any readers are interested in joining the Board for Seniors, they can stop by Payed’s room anytime during the school day to talk to her about it. It’s not like she has anything better to do.