And now let’s discuss the topic of Procrastination… Tomorrow. Hah. But with all funny and clever jokes aside, procrastination is a problem that plagues many City High students. If you can believe it, I’ve even fallen into its clutches. Having failed early bird P.E. last year, you’d think I’d have learned to show up on time. But this year I still have 26 tardies and a D+ in the same class. It’s a never-ending cycle of ugliness.

I feel your pain, believe me. You’d like to blame it on something or somebody else. In reality it’s YOUR fault. The irresponsible part of your brain goes into superman mode, but rather than donning a pair of blue tighty-whiteys, you just can’t make yourself do anything that seriously needs to get done in the next 24 hours. Instead of doing that homework assignment that’s due tomorrow, you play some CODBO (Call of Duty Black Ops for those who have lives.)

IT MUST STOP. Much like the use of all caps. But it is difficult, you’ll want to procrastinate like high school/college students want Pancheros. But I have compiled some handy tips to help you become the best busy body you can be.

First, get as much done at school as you can. Getting homework done and out of the way during class will help you feel super smart and productive, and you’ll have a ton of extra time on your hands after school. You must also pay attention in class as you do your homework, and at the same time hide it from the teacher – thus promoting development in multitasking and ninja skills.

Second: get enough sleep. When you’re sleep-deprived, the percent chance of getting your brain to focus on that math problem is approximately… 0.00%. Instead, you find yourself wanting to do something mindless like play on the internet, lie on the floor singing along with trashy radio songs, or eat and watch T.V., which causes you to stay up late again and start the cycle over. And gain ten pounds. To avoid this fate, set your bed time so you get at least nine hours of sleep. Props to you if you can get in 12 or 13.

Lastly, don’t think of it as work you’re doing right now instead of doing something fun, for in that way lies madness. Alternatively, think of it as building character and learning responsibility and valuable life lessons. Or, if you’re not into the whole “maturity” thing, think of it as doing something god awful right now so you can get on the good side of your parents and have lots of fun later.

With these new and powerful skills, you can overcome any urge to procrastinate. No need to thank me, I just want to help out my fellow students. And I had to get something in the paper before deadline. You know how it is.