What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Killer: Horror Movie Tips
April 18, 2017
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As we all know, there are always the characters in horror movies that are just flat out stupid. They do something stupid that usually ends up getting them killed. So just in case you’re being chased by a killer, this article will help you with what and what NOT to do.
First, let’s look at what Randy from Scream has to say:
- Don’t have sex
- Don’t drink or do drugs
- Don’t say “I’ll be right back”, “Hello?” or “Who’s there?”
You’re probably thinking, “Maybe if I’m careful, I can do those things and survive.” Let me tell you…you’re wrong! Randy makes some very good points. All three of those rules make sense, because you’re weak when you’re doing all three. You’re not in your right state of mind. You are basically giving the killer the go-ahead to kill you.
- Don’t wander off.
This rule is just common knowledge. Seriously, you’re not working with Mystery Inc. So don’t wander off. JUST STAY WITH THE GROUP! It’s better to fight a killer with three people instead of just one. Your chances of survival will highly increase if you don’t leave.
- Know your surroundings.
Always remember, the killer is the smartest person in the room. They know (almost) everything. The one thing they don’t know is what you’re thinking/already know. The killer believes that you’re as dumb as a rock. Even if you’re not in a life-or-death situation, just always look for the closest exit.
- Don’t go investigate the strange sounds.
If you hear a sound that is strange, and you don’t know what (or who) it is…just let it be. Don’t go trying to find it. It’s only going to get you killed.
- The flickering lights.
Let’s make a scenario for this rule: You (either alone or with a group) are walking down a hallway. Nothing/nobody is chasing you, you’re just looking for an escape. All of a sudden the lights start flickering. If that happens, it’s time to turn around. If you keep walking straight towards the dark hole where the devil resides, you are only leading yourself closer to your death.
- Stay with the nerd.
I know, the nerd isn’t the guy you wanted to spend your Saturday night with, but, I’m pretty sure getting killed isn’t ideal either. In almost every single horror movie there is always a nerd character. They seem (and probably are) the most expendable, but they always make it out alive.
As Jesse Eisenberg from Zombieland said…..
- The double tap.
If you find a way to kill the killer, make sure you kill them twice. That basically means that maybe you find a way to make sure they are extra dead and not still alive. Just look at almost every single Scream movie. The killer always finds a way to come back to life because our dimwit heroes never check to make sure they are fully dead. The double tap help assures that they are fully 100% dead. Also never turn your back if you haven’t done the double tap. In horror movies when our hero’s turns their back, they always show the killer slowly sit up because they’re still alive.
10. The little kid or elderly person always know something you don’t.
Most of the time, that rule is 88% true. The other 12% is just you being ageist. But seriously, the little kids or the elderly folk always know something that you don’t know. Maybe some long boring back story that has little effect on the plot, where something is but is impossible to get to, or some info on how to defeat the bad guy but you never end up doing it that way.
- The legs.
Always go for the killers legs. If you hit their legs with a bat, it will slow them down significantly because they use their legs to run after you. But they can’t do that if their legs are broken now can they?
- Double knot the shoes.
You’re gonna be running a lot. So make sure to double knot those Converse. Last thing you want is for them to come undone, trip, fall, and die.
99.9998% of the time the elevator always fails. So don’t get in one. If you do and it breaks down, you’ve basically put yourself in a corner. There is very little chance that you will actually escape. So just take the stairs (it will also improve your cardio).
- Always have a survival pack.
Make sure to bring a small backpack of things you think are essential to you that help keep you alive: water, food, inhaler, weapon of choice, etc. But make sure to pack light. You don’t want the survival pack slowing you down if you’re running, because then it couldn’t be called the survival pack.
- Long sleeves and pants.
Granted, it’s #15, but this is one of the most important rules. Jeans and a jacket will help get you a long way through your troubles. If the killer swipes at you with a knife, the cut won’t be as bad because you’re wearing long sleeves and pants.
- Never let the group suspect you’re a killer.
You should always be the most trusted person in your group. Here’s a bit of advice. Don’t say “It’s okay guys, I’m not the killer”. If you’re not the killer, then don’t tell people you’re not the killer unless they ask. Because they’re most likely thinking someone else is the killer. But since you mentioned you not being the killer, their alarms are going off that you possibly could be. It’s like saying you’re not crazy. If you’re not crazy, then you don’t need to say “I’m not crazy”.
- Never set down your weapon.
Your weapon is very important. So whatever happens, don’t set it down. It helps keep you safe from the killer, but it can’t do that if it’s on the ground 7ft away from you.
And the final rule…..
- Don’t let the Wayan Brothers get a hold of it.
They will straight up make your horror story into some crappy, cheap, Scary Movie 5 type movie that will probably star Anna Faris & Gabriel Iglesias.
Those are some of the most important tips to survive a horror movie situation if you’re ever in one. Did I forget any?! Comment down below.