Most athletes work incredibly hard for many years to achieve their goals without the use of steroids. Many, if not all, of these athletes do not particularly fancy the idea of a real life cheat code that makes all of their sacrifices made in their respective sports utterly frivolous. Steroids are just a fun way to take the the fun out of sports. Doping scandals frequently cause outrage among the fans, and outrage does not make money (as fast).
In order to keep all fans and athletes happy, the most logical step is to create a competition solely for the steroid abusers. Cue in The Steroid Games, where the world’s heaviest dopers are rounded up and put in a large stadium to be gawked at by millions of bored, faceless people.
These ungodly man-beasts will play a series of the most drug addled sports in the world; the events are baseball, wrestling, boxing, weight lifting, and frisbee golf.
Some may say that The Steroid Games is a terrible idea, that it inevitably promotes doping to all athletes. They say that the Games directly impacts the viewers self-image, and that it is indecent to abuse these vulnerable athletes like cattle in order to make massive amounts of money. However, an overwhelming majority of people said that they would enjoy The Steroid Games* so it cannot possibly be that bad.
Just think about it: If everyone is cheating, is it really cheating anymore? The question of morality is therefore voided, because it was rhetorical. On top of that, anybody that would watch The Steroid Games would be too hypnotised by loud music and grotesque violence to even come close to rational thought. The viewers could not even begin to fathom how grossly irresponsible the sporting industry is to the overall mental and physical well-being of athletes.
It is a competition that no one can ever truly win. All dopers are inevitably the losers in a culture that values raw, unadulterated muscle power over human decency and intelligence. This makes every last mutated freak an underdog, and people love to root for the underdog.
The Steroid Games will be a fun competition for the whole family to enjoy, so bring your grandma and your rich uncle Larry along for the ride. There will also be a concession stand loaded with premium-priced snacks. So come on over and watch gigantic sub-human neanderthals grunting and fighting at each other until their ridiculously cartoonish muscles tear apart like string cheese.
Naturally, there will be drug tests administered throughout the Games which will disqualify anyone who’s blood shows up drug free. At the end of The Steroid Games, each competitor will be given an organic, sustainably grown hemp tote bag filled with acne medication. The overall winner will be rewarded with a gigantic, pure gold trophy filled with the blood of the manliest lamb in the world.
*Studies show that one out of every one persons believe that The Steroid Games is a good parody title.
