Cancer- Myth: There is asbestos in your cupcake. Fact: There is Uranium in your cupcake.
Leo- Valentine’s Day is finally over. Time to dump all of your leftover candy to room 2109.
Virgo- Watch out for ligers (lions+tigers). There’s a local infestation.
Libra- Avoid anyone who would deceive you in the next few days… Wait, do people not do that normally?
Scorpio- Save a drum. Bang a drummer.
Sagittarius- Try streaking in the shower. It’s magical.
Capricorn- So it’s still snowing for some reason. If you want it to stop, simply pray to Zhuul.
Aquarius- You may think vandalism is cool, but remember: your teenage rants will be there for ages.
Pisces- I cried. ‘Nuff said. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gppbrYIcR80
By Gabriel Brasile and Nat Alder with assistance from Oli Peters and Sonora Taffa
