The Little Hawk

Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

Reese Hill, Reporter

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






DISCLAIMER: The Little Hoax and its horoscopes are a satirical blog. (…Or are they?) Follow this advice column at your own discretion.

Aries: The last movie you saw will metaphorically turn into your reality very soon.

Taurus: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.  It will bite off your face.

Gemini: You will find that many eligible suitors will be flocking to your doorstep this week, eager to court you and gain your love. Unfortunately all of these suitors are ghosts and you can see none of them.

Cancer: Others may resent your success, but your inimitable talent for crossbreeding jellyfish will open new doors for you if you continue down this winding path.

Leo: Submit to Film Fest or a plague will befall you and all you love.

Virgo: Even though you thought you possessed a magical power to control the time and space continuum, it turns out it was all just a big coincidence. However, you could encounter a long-lost love at a beloved childhood retreat, and this will have been anything but chance.

Libra: Contrary to popular belief, there is a limit to how many times one should make eye contact with others in a 24-hour time period.

Scorpio: A friend will go insane and a love interest will become emotionally void. Depending on the order and extremity of these two occurrences, you may also be injured in an unfortunate model hot air balloon incident.

Sagittarius: The last thing you’d ever want to is be like everyone else. So take a risk this week. Enjoy nudism.

Capricorn: Your suspicions were correct. This whole time, you’ve actually been a Virgo.

Aquarius: DON’T TOUCH THE SPINNING RED ORB.

Pisces: You’ve been having a vivid recurring dream it seems you can never wake up from. Unfortunately, this recurring dream is actually just your everyday reality. You need to get more actual sleep. And a grip on your subconscious.

Leave a Comment

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




Navigate Right
Navigate Left
  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    Awake and Aware

    Western Passivity Is Expensive: It Costs Human Life

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    10-Day Weather Forecast

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    A & E

    May the Fourth: Ranking the Star Wars Movies

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Horoscopes by The Little Hoax – Week of April 29th

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Recent Gun Control Protests Divide Students

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    The Little Hoax shamed with IHSPA’s Worst News Team of the Year Finalist

  • BLOGS

    Album Review: My Dear Melancholy

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Old Movie Review: Heart and Souls (1993)

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Coop’s Scoops: March 30th Weekly Recap

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Awake and Aware: A Letter to a Young Black Boy

The student news site of Iowa City High School.
Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th