The Little Hawk

Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

Back to Article
Back to Article

Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

Reese Hill, Reporter

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






DISCLAIMER: The Little Hoax and its horoscopes are a satirical blog. (…Or are they?) Follow this advice column at your own discretion.

Aries: The last movie you saw will metaphorically turn into your reality very soon.

Taurus: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.  It will bite off your face.

Gemini: You will find that many eligible suitors will be flocking to your doorstep this week, eager to court you and gain your love. Unfortunately all of these suitors are ghosts and you can see none of them.

Cancer: Others may resent your success, but your inimitable talent for crossbreeding jellyfish will open new doors for you if you continue down this winding path.

Leo: Submit to Film Fest or a plague will befall you and all you love.

Virgo: Even though you thought you possessed a magical power to control the time and space continuum, it turns out it was all just a big coincidence. However, you could encounter a long-lost love at a beloved childhood retreat, and this will have been anything but chance.

Libra: Contrary to popular belief, there is a limit to how many times one should make eye contact with others in a 24-hour time period.

Scorpio: A friend will go insane and a love interest will become emotionally void. Depending on the order and extremity of these two occurrences, you may also be injured in an unfortunate model hot air balloon incident.

Sagittarius: The last thing you’d ever want to is be like everyone else. So take a risk this week. Enjoy nudism.

Capricorn: Your suspicions were correct. This whole time, you’ve actually been a Virgo.

Aquarius: DON’T TOUCH THE SPINNING RED ORB.

Pisces: You’ve been having a vivid recurring dream it seems you can never wake up from. Unfortunately, this recurring dream is actually just your everyday reality. You need to get more actual sleep. And a grip on your subconscious.

About the Writer
Reese Hill, Reporter

Humbled to confirm that I am indeed one of those theater kids. There is no place on Earth I would rather be than humiliating myself in front of a live...

Leave a Comment

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




Navigate Left
  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    MULTIMEDIA

    Politikid: Parkland Shooting Anniversary and Who is Running for President

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Shoe Trends

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Horoscopes by The Little Hoax – Week of February 24

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Retesting With Crepes

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    The Second Option

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Humans of City High: February 2019

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Iowa City Schools Cancel Space-Time Continuum Due to Inclement Weather

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    Sugar-Free January

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    The Great Pathfinder Breakup

  • Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th

    BLOGS

    In the Deep End: Meet Etiquette

Navigate Right
The student news site of Iowa City High School.
Horoscopes by the Little Hoax – Week of March 25th